Learn how humility transforms the ordinary work of motherhood and homemaking into opportunities for holiness, drawing from St. Francis de Sales and Scripture.
Series Layout
- Episode 1: Devotion (Part 1: Ch. 1-3)
- Episode 2: Humility & Abjection (Part III: Ch. 4-6)
- Episode 3: Patience (Part III: Ch. 3)
- Episode 4: Gentleness (Part III: Ch. 8-9)
- Episode 5: Simplicity, Peace, & Anxiety (Part III: Ch. 10, Part IV: Ch. 11)
- Episode 6: Detachment & Poverty of Spirit (Part III: Ch. 14, Part I: Ch. 17, 26)
- Episode 7: Charity (Part III: Ch. 1-2, 15)
- Episode 8: Recollection / Interior Prayer (Part II, Ch. 1-5)
- Episode 9: Mortification & Sacrifice (Part III, Ch. 23, Part IV Ch. 11)
- Episode 10: Perseverance & Faithfulness (Part V)
Please note: I currently do not have a timeline for these episodes and when they will be published. Realistically, with homeschooling and caring for my home and five small children, I will most likely not have a new blog post and video out every week. I may also have other videos (food from scratch, homeschool Q&A, homemaking encouragement) between episodes. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Introduction
There is a particular kind of humility that motherhood and homemaking seems to teach us whether we want it to or not. It is the humility of being interrupted, of having plans that don’t work out, of realizing that we cannot control our children’s behavior, our schedule, our home, or sometimes even our own emotions as much as we would like. It is the humility of doing work that nobody notices and then waking up the next morning to do it all over again. And then there is an even deeper kind of humility: learning to receive the life God has actually given us rather than constantly wishing for a different one.
This is what I have been thinking about as I continue through St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life, particularly Part III, Chapters 4–6. These chapters take us deeper into the virtue of humility, beginning with exterior humility, moving into interior humility, and finally arriving at a word that may sound rather strange to our modern ears: abjection. I actually think this is one of the most challenging and beautiful sections of the book for a homemaker and mother, because St. Francis is asking us to look at something we naturally want to avoid: the lowly, hidden, inconvenient, embarrassing, and dull parts of our lives.
In our society today, we are told that we should do whatever makes us happy, with an emphasis on our own happiness. Not only does this toxic ideology spread into our line of thought, it also spreads into our own beliefs when it comes to our vocation. We are to pawn off or try to escape all of the tasks that don’t bring us happiness, fulfillment, or worldly success.
How often do you think, “I shouldn’t have to do this…” or “I shouldn’t be the only one that….” these thoughts often lead us to anger, resentment, and selfishness. But when we are having these thoughts, we must turn to how our Lord, Jesus Christ responded to His overload of neediness, tiredness, and constant demand from others.
Responding Like Jesus
The apostles gathered around Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. Mark 6:30-31
Jesus and His disciples had been busy all day, teaching and healing, and Jesus told them they shall go, be alone, and rest. However, that isn’t what happened. Many people followed them on foot while they went away on boat. Even though Jesus was exhausted, serving many people all day, what did He do?
As He went ashore, He saw a great crowd; and He had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things. When it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, ‘This is a deserted place, and the hour is now very late; send them away so that they may go into the surrounding country and villages and buy something for themselves to eat.’ But He answered them, ‘You give them something to eat.’ They said to him, ‘Are we to go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread, and give it to them to eat?’ And he said to them, ‘How many loaves have you? Go and see.’ When they had found out, they said, ‘Five, and two fish.’ Then he ordered them to get all the people to sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups of hundreds and of fifties. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before the people; and he divided the two fish among them all. And all ate and were filled and they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. Those who had eaten the loaves numbered five thousand men.'”
Jesus continued to serve. He continued to pour Himself out for others, teach others, care and serve others. He continued to do this all day, and then as Scripture says, as “the hour is now very late.” Why did He do this? Scripture, again, tells us that Jesus had compassion for them. He saw they had a need, a want, and He fed them, both spiritually and physically.
True Humility
What Jesus did, we are also called to do. We must feed our husband, our children, our neighbors, family, and friends all spiritually and physically. We can do this without being theologians, without being professional chefs, without being completely equipped for the task asked of us. Why? Because true humility is placing ourselves below the needs, wants, and cares of others.
“…humility drives Satan away, and cherishes the gifts and graces of the Holy Spirit within us, and for that reason all the saints – and especially the King of saints and his Blessed Mother – have always esteemed the grace of humility above all other virtues.” P.III, Ch. 4
What Does St. Francis Mean by Abjection?
Before we can apply any of this to homemaking or motherhood, I think we need to understand what St. Francis actually means by the word abjection. He is not telling us to hate ourselves or that we are worthless. He is not telling us to accept mistreatment, remain silent in the face of injustice, or intentionally put ourselves down. In fact, St. Francis makes an important distinction between humility and abjection. He says that
“Abjection is the poverty, vileness and littleness which exist in us,” while humility is our “real knowledge and voluntary recognition” of that condition. P.III, Ch. 6
In other words, abjection is the low place itself; humility is how we respond when we find ourselves there. Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that make us feel small. Maybe our work isn’t recognized, maybe we have made a mistake. Maybe someone corrects us, our plans fall apart, we have to do something tedious and repetitive, we experience an embarrassment we wish nobody had seen. Those moments can make us feel insignificant.
St. Francis is saying that instead of immediately fighting against that feeling of lowliness, defending ourselves, justifying ourselves, complaining, or trying to restore our dignity in the eyes of others, we can learn to receive that moment humbly and offer it to God. He even says,
“And the highest point of humility consists in not merely acknowledging one’s abjection but in taking pleasure in it, not from any want of breadth or courage, but to give the more glory to God’s divine majesty, and to esteem one’s neighbor more highly than oneself.” P.III, Ch. 6
Abjection is about becoming free from the need to appear important or above others. St. Francis continues and tells us,
“What I want to teach you is that we should not merely rejoice in our trouble, which we do by means of patience, but we should also cherish the abjection, which is done by means of humility. Again, there are abject and honorable virtues; for the world generally despises patience, gentleness, simplicity, and even humility itself, while, on the contrary, it highly esteems prudence, valor, and liberality.”
Humility Is Not Pretending We Have Nothing Good
This is especially important because I think Christian women can sometimes misunderstand humility. We might think humility means saying, “I’m not good at anything. I’m a terrible mother, not talented, not beautiful. I don’t have anything to offer.” But St. Francis actually addresses this directly in Chapter 5. He says we should recognize the gifts God has given us because doing so should lead us to gratitude. He reminds us that whatever is good in us ultimately comes from God. As Scripture says,
“What hast thou that thou didst not receive?” 1 Cor. 4:7
“…Saint Thomas Aquinas says, the real way of attaining to the love of God is by a careful consideration of all his benefits given to us, then the better we realize these, the more we shall love him; and inasmuch as individual gifts are more acceptable than general gifts, so they ought to be more specially dwelt upon.” P.III, Ch. 5
This is why Mary is such a beautiful example of humility. She could say that God had done “great things” for her without becoming proud, because her attention immediately turned back toward God. True humility doesn’t say, “There is nothing good about me.” It says, “Whatever is good in me is God’s gift.” It is key to recognize that distinction.
That means humility doesn’t require us to deny our gifts. If you are a good cook, you can acknowledge that. If you are good at teaching your children, have a beautiful singing voice, a talent for hospitality, a gift for gardening, an ability to organize your home, or a particular tenderness toward children, you don’t have to pretend those things don’t exist. The humble response is simply to recognize where those gifts came from. They are gifts. And gifts are meant to be received with gratitude and then given back to God.
Humility Through Our Gifts
As mentioned earlier, we can rightly acknowledge the beautiful gifts that God has given us. As Paul reminds us in Romans 12:6-8,
“We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness.”
What do these gifts have to do with humility? Whether you are an excellent organizer, charitable in meal giving or gifting, a loving and patient teacher, efficient cleaner, or submissive wife we must accept the gifts that God has given us in order to be obedient to His will for us. As His will is often done through the passions, interests, and talents that He has given us.
“…God’s gifts must need be accepted, and that true humility lies in obedience and the most literal compliance perfect, uniting ourselves to him, and imitating him to the utmost of our powers.” P.III, Ch. 5
Humility is NOT Self Glorifying
Although our God given talents and gifts are good, St. Francis de Sales warns against allowing our accomplishments, possessions, appearance, knowledge, position, or abilities to become sources of self-glory. The problem is not that these things exist. The problem is when we begin to believe that they make us more important.
He uses the image of empty vessels from 2 Kings 4. The widow is told to gather empty vessels so that they can be filled with oil. St. Francis applies this image spiritually: our hearts must have room for God’s grace. A vessel filled with itself has no room to receive. This is especially important in a culture that constantly encourages us to build an image of ourselves.
We can do this even within homemaking. We can become proud of how clean our house is, how naturally we feed our family, how beautiful our home looks, how well our children behave, how much we preserve from the garden, how much we accomplish in a day, or even how “holy” our homemaking appears.
And suddenly something that began as a good thing can become a source of self-glory. The question is not simply, “Am I doing good things?” The deeper question is, “Who am I doing them for?”
“Humility hides our earthly virtues and perfections, only expanding them at the call of charity, which is not an earthly, but a heavenly, not a mere moral, but a divine virtue. Charity is the true sun of all virtues, and all should be ruled by it, so that any humility which controverts charity is unquestionably false.” P.III, Ch. 5
Inner Humility
Interior humility means allowing the truth about ourselves to reach the heart. We begin to see both our gifts and our limitations clearly, we don’t need to exaggerate our weaknesses in order to appear humble. We also don’t need to pretend that we possess gifts we do not have. True humility is honest.
You can say, “I am good at this,” without needing to add, “and therefore I am better than someone else.” You can also say, “I am not good at this,” without believing, “and therefore I am worthless.” The humble woman does not need to construct a false version of herself. She can simply stand before God as she is.
The Humility of Receiving Correction
One of the places where our humility becomes very practical is correction. It is easy to think we are humble until someone tells us we are wrong. A husband points something out. A child responds disrespectfully and reveals something about our own impatience. A friend gives us difficult advice. A priest corrects something in our spiritual life. Someone notices something we would rather have remained hidden. Our first instinct can be to explain.
“But you don’t understand…I only did that because…I was already planning to…I didn’t mean it that way…”
Sometimes an explanation is necessary. But sometimes what we really want is not to clarify the situation—we want to protect our image. Humility allows us to pause. Maybe the other person is wrong. Maybe they misunderstood. But perhaps there is also something here that God is allowing us to see.
Proverbs 9:9 tells us,
“Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser.”
A humble heart remains teachable.
The Importance of Hidden Things
Jesus tells us, “Your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6:4).
Let this be the heartbeat of your hidden work. We don’t need every act of love to be noticed because the Father sees what others cannot. We all know that there are many moments in our motherhood and our homemaking where we wish we’d be more appreciated, get more credit, have more help, or be “repaid” in some way for the many hours of hard work that we do.
However, we MUST have the mindset and the prayer that our work is done for the Lord, and for His glory alone. This mindset, this reminder cuts into the depths of pride. We must set aside all sinful desire to be noticed, praised, and seen.
“Now, as humility forbids us to aim at excelling or being preferred to others, it likewise forbids us to aim at praise, honor, and glory; but it allows us to give heed, as the wise man says, to our good name, and that because a good name does not imply any one particular excellence, but a general straightforward integrity of purpose, which we may recognize in ourselves, and desire to be known as possessing, without any breach of humility.” P.III, Ch. 7
For as we can recognize our good gifts from God, the talents and abilities He has given us in which we do well, we can also acknowledge when we do and have done a good job in our vocation. It is not that what we have done isn’t worth the praise, the compliment, the attention, it is that we must detach our hearts from wanting and needing that praise in order to continue in our good work, or remain with good attitude.
Practical Ways to Practice Inner Humility in Motherhood & Homemaking
- Accept interruptions without resentment.
- Do good work that no one notices.
- Serve without needing praise or recognition.
- Admit when you are wrong and apologize to your children.
- Receive correction without immediately defending yourself.
- Stop explaining yourself when an explanation isn’t necessary.
- Let someone else have their way in small, unimportant matters.
- Choose the less comfortable option sometimes.
- Accept that your home will never be perfectly ordered.
- Accept the limitations of your time, energy, money, and abilities.
- Ask for help instead of insisting on doing everything yourself.
- Allow your husband or children to serve you without feeling guilty or controlling how they do it.
- Let another mother do things differently without judging her.
- Resist comparing your home, children, meals, or homeschool to another woman’s.
- Be willing to learn something you aren’t naturally good at.
- Receive the monotony of motherhood instead of constantly looking for something more exciting.
- Do repetitive work without complaining that it is “pointless.”
- Give up the desire to always have the last word.
- Remain gentle when your children are slow to obey.
- Practice patience when your carefully planned day falls apart.
- Let go of perfectionism when “good enough” is genuinely enough.
- Accept when circumstances prevent you from accomplishing everything you planned.
- Do an unpleasant task promptly rather than waiting for someone else to do it.
- Take the ordinary, hidden work of homemaking seriously without needing it to feel important.
- Thank God for the opportunity to serve even when the work feels tedious.
- Resist making your sacrifices the subject of conversation.
- Give up a personal preference for the good of the family when it truly matters.
- Stop trying to control how everyone else experiences the day.
- Recognize when irritation is revealing your attachment to having things your own way.
- Begin again after failing instead of becoming absorbed in your own failure.
- Pray for the grace to see inconveniences as opportunities for charity.
- Remember that your vocation is not about creating an impressive home, but about becoming holy while faithfully loving the people God has given you.
Continue the Series
- Episode 1: Finding God in Everyday Life (Part 1: Ch. 1-3)
- Episode 3: Patience (Part III: Ch. 3)
- Episode 4: Gentleness (Part III: Ch. 8-9)
- Episode 5: Simplicity, Peace, & Anxiety (Part III: Ch. 10, Part IV: Ch. 11)
- Episode 6: Detachment & Poverty of Spirit (Part III: Ch. 14, Part I: Ch. 17, 26)
- Episode 7: Charity (Part III: Ch. 1-2, 15)
- Episode 8: Recollection / Interior Prayer (Part II, Ch. 1-5)
- Episode 9: Mortification & Sacrifice (Part III, Ch. 23, Part IV Ch. 11)
- Episode 10: Perseverance & Faithfulness (Part V)
Related Posts
- From My Garden to Gethsemane
- 4 Walls That Hold Up My Home
- A Homemaker’s Rule of Life for Lasting Discipline
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