From emotional breakdowns in the store, to tantrums in the home, young children can struggle to cope with regulating their emotions. Luckily, there are many different emotional regulation strategies and visuals that can be put in place to help your little one calm down.
MY STORY
Currently having three kids 4 (almost 5) and under, plus having a foster child for 4 years, I have experienced many emotional meltdowns. Yes, meltdowns from me for sure, but multiple (and I mean multiple) meltdowns from my children. Although my kids are all very different, they seem to have one thing in common, the inability to regulate their emotions.
Have ever felt like you don’t want to leave the house, or are scared to attend an event or play date because you are nervous one of your kids will get upset, and you won’t know how to calm them down? You are not alone. Unfortunately, there have been many instances where I too haven’t joined a field trip, or haven’t gone to a “kid friendly” event, in fear that my foster daughter or son would completely lose it. It is a terrible helpless feeling, and all you want to do is help your child to “understand” the why. Why they can’t have this, or why they can’t do that, the “why” behind the cause of the meltdown.
Fortunately, there are many things we can provide as parents to help our child by providing appropriate emotional regulation strategies. Sadly, there is no one “cure” to solve all of our children’s tantrums or breakdowns, but there are strategies and tools that we can use to help them the best we can.
EMOTIONAL REGULATION STRATEGIES
- PLAYING WITH YOUR CHILDREN
- PHYSICAL ATTENTION IN THE MOMENT
- DEEP BREATHING
PLAYING WITH YOUR CHILDREN
If you are struggling with your child’s emotional regulation, playing with them is going to be the MOST effective strategy for you. I know this seems like a “no brainer”, but the amount of time you pour into your child with play, will result in so much goodness. By taking 10-15 minutes to play with your child, you will create a better connection and relationship, which will lead to:
Better Listening
- Better Listening: When playing with your child, you are creating a deeper relationship and connection with them. This is a time that they feel loved and overjoyed. By taking time out of your day to focus your attention on them and what they want to play, you will build strong connections that will lead to better listening. Because they have that strong connection and relationship to you, they will become more effective listeners.
Drive to Please
- A Drive to Please: Children thrive on attention. When they feel they can’t get positive attention, they seek out negative attention. When you play with your children, you are giving them positive attention that they long to have consistently. You child will continue to seek out getting that time with you, and one way they will do this is through trying to “please” you. You may hear: “Did I do a good job? Are you proud of me? Did you see me do…? I helped do xyz!” These are all comments stemming from your child wanting to please you, and gain that positive attention. By playing with your child, they will create a bigger drive to please you, which can help focus their emotional regulation for positive attention.
Deeper Love
- Deeper Love: Children are truly pure innocent souls (even though it may seem questionable at times). They want to thrive and be happy. When they don’t get their way, or what they want, or things are unknown to them, they respond in a way they know how. They cry, through fits, kick, hit, tantrum, destroy, yell, the list goes on. They respond to try to get what they believe will make them “happy”. I know it sounds cliche, but when children are played with, they grow a deeper love. A deeper love for play, imagination, exploration, adventure, interaction, and friendship. Play is a natural way their body responds when they are happy. Playing with your child truly allows for their love to deepen. Play can result in a happiness, that sets them up to succeed emotionally. This leads me to my last point on play.
PLAY WITH YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE. If you know you are going to an event, playdate, appointment, field trip, etc. play with your children for at least 10 minutes before you leave.
PHYSICAL ATTENTION
If your child is about to or has already hit the meltdown stage, try giving them physical attention. While doing this, work at their level. This means kneeling, sitting, or squatting down so you are looking at them eye to eye, and physically touching them. Some children may not like this, like my son, but continue to be at their level offering them tools or kind words.
Example: “I know you are upset, but I will be right here to hold you.” Don’t get me wrong, using kind words and taking time to kneel there while your child is throwing a fit, is the last thing you want to do. But knowing that you are there for them, holding them, squeezing them in a hug, rubbing their shoulders or up and down their arms, hugging them, picking them up and rocking them, can help to refocus their mind and help them regulate their emotions.
DEEP BREATHING
Another great emotional regulation strategy, is using a deep breathing technique. There are many deep breathing methods that you child can use. I am going to highlight three that we try to utilize in our home.
- Blowing finger candles: Have your child hold up their hand, and tell them to “blow out their candles”. They will take a deep breath, and blow “out” the candle light at the top of each of their fingers.
- Box breathing: Box breathing is a method recommended for children and adults. This method will be most effective if you breathe and count with your child. You breath in a “box”: 1. breathe in for three seconds, 2. hold the breath for three seconds, 3. breathe out for three seconds, 4. hold the breath for three seconds. If your child struggles to hold their breath for three seconds, try two.
EMOTIONAL REGULATION TOOLS & RESOURCES
- EMOTION CARDS
- PROBLEM SOLVING WHEEL
- STORY CARDS & BOOKS
- DAILY ROUTINE PICTURE CARDS
- EMOTIONAL REGULATION CURRICULUM (SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL)
EMOTIONAL REGULATION CARDS
Visual references are a great way for children to see what they are doing, or what they need to be doing. Emotional regulation cards can also help your child express how they are feeling, and communicate their emotions to you. Have your child point to the card they are feeling when they begin to escalate in their emotions and anger. Practicing identifying the emotion cards with your child when they are calm, can help them identify the feelings easier when they start to get upset. Any type of emotion representative card can be used for an emotional regulation strategy.
PROBLEM SOLVING WHEEL
A problem solving wheel is a great visual resource your child can use to choose a better path when they are angry. The problem solving wheel in my Foundations of Education curriculum I created, has seven options your child can choose from to make a good choice. Options can allow a child to feel more in control, and that they have a say in their choice of action. A problem solving wheel is a great emotional regulation strategy to pair with another (cards, books, routines, etc.).
STORY CARDS & BOOKS
Reading story cards and books are a great resource in helping your preschooler with their emotional regulation. Although cards and books are not used during the emotional meltdown, it provides education and examples that your child can base their actions on. It is also a great resource for your child to interact with scenario wise, and practice skills presented.
DAILY ROUTINE PICTURE CARDS
Setting a daily routine for your child can be very beneficial to them in many ways. 1. Your child will recognize the activities that happen at certain times in the day, which relates to the expectations that they are expected to follow. They are able to adjust easier to transitions, and will be more willing to work on certain tasks or play since they are accustomed to the routine. 2. Your child’s behavior will become more regulated because majority of their days won’t include sudden change or surprises. Your child will know what to expect, and can look forward to certain play time or interaction time with you. If you do not have a routine, your child may not know when the next opportunity for parental interaction may be, and may seek it out through positive or negative attention.
Using daily routine picture cards is a great emotional regulation strategy for preschoolers. The pictures provide a clear image of what your child should be and will be doing. My favorite way to present our “daily routine” or “daily rhythm” is through visual cards on a binder ring.
EMOTIONAL REGULATION CURRICULUM (SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL)
For me, the hardest part of working on social and emotional learning was figuring out what I should do, and how to teach them in an interactive way. This was a major reason I wanted to incorporate social and emotional learning into my curriculum, Foundations in Education. Every day, I wanted my child to have the opportunity to work on themselves. The importance of their body, characteristics, emotions, feelings, and understanding of decision making. It is SO important that we help provide them the resources and skills to cope with change, decision making, scenarios, emotions, and feelings. Below are a few examples of how I have incorporated social and emotional learning into the curriculum.
What does the Foundations in Education curriculum teach for social and emotional learning?
Leave a Reply